


Revelations

by randers1



Category: Chicago PD (TV), Upstead - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Season 8 potential, Upstead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:34:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24378052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randers1/pseuds/randers1
Summary: What it takes for Hailey and Jay to really talk.
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton
Comments: 71
Kudos: 177





	1. Sneaking In

**Author's Note:**

> A short-ish multi chapter fic inspired by DC_bookfanatic's prompt fic of Don't look at me that way on Tumblr. :-) 
> 
> Nothing is mine, it's all Dick Wolf's.

It had been a struggle to adjust to New York City life, let alone FBI life, not to mention a new partner, a new team, a new boss, and a new, stricter way of conducting business. So much had been thrown at her within such a short period of time that, even though Hailey considered herself a strong swimmer when her waters turned rough, this was a new storm entirely to get through. Yet she had, she believed. She’d come out exhausted in every way possible after working with this team and their slick technology and quick speak. She kept up but was glad she had nothing around her to hook on to, even to ground her, so she could focus all of her attention on everything in front of her.

OA learned quickly she could give as good as she got and that she wasn’t soft police from Nowhere If It Wasn’t New York. Her new team learned that she could be leaned on, contribute in all the ways that counted, hold her own, and cover them in any situation needed. She could talk her way through interrogations with superior results, interact well with federal agents, NY detectives and patrol officers. She was never late to work, learned their routines and paperwork methodologies quickly, worked without complaint whatever hours were needed of her to complete paperwork, follow the last lead, or send the last reports, and except for the rare exception she wasn’t social after work hours. She was an ideal loan out officer.

And now it was done. As of late last night OA’s partner had finished her undercover assignment and the mid-morning chatter throughout the office was all about how she was currently in the building, debriefing.

Hailey looked around the large room and smiled at the agents. There was an energy between them at the thought of their colleague coming back. Hailey’s own debriefing and exit interview was now scheduled for later on this afternoon, after which she could get a good night’s sleep and be on a plane the next day. The more Hailey looked around though, the more that plan sounded less and less appealing. If she had her way, she’d be on a plane tonight.

And in typically Hailey Upton fashion, she’d gotten her way. Following her meetings, she’d managed to say good bye to the team, a good bye and thank you to OA, submitted her reports and made it to her hotel to pack up. She made it to the airport with some time to spare and was on the last plane of the night to O’Hare.

The plans surrounding her departure had sprung up so quickly she hadn’t had time, and for one purposely hadn’t made the time, to reach out and announce her homecoming. Voight would be alerted, she knew. She’d seen his name cc’d at the bottom of the documents she signed that closed out her time with the feds. The SAC told her that when she’d spoken with him earlier in the day that he’d given her what time he could but they’d just caught a case so it was limited. Hailey knew they’d be knee deep in it for the first 24 hours at minimum. No one logged in on the case would be going home tonight.

Her mind had touched on the magic concept of ‘team’ and wandered to her own, hoping that that’s what in fact they still were. There was doubt there, uncertainty as to her place in the Intelligence unit and uncertainty with her place within those that worked in the bullpen. She didn’t know what they knew, what, if anything Voight had told them about her actions, the reason for her abrupt departure. They’d all texted her from time to time, checking in, asking about “Fed Life” and New York City living, but no one ever came out and asked. Then again, they were all members of an elite unit within the CPD. If someone wanted to look, she knew they would find dots and connect them.

The uber dropped her off and she stood for a moment after it left enjoyed the feel of the soft wind on her face and in her hair. When she did go inside she found her house dark and somewhat unfamiliar as she left the lights off and moved in the shadows of the late hour. She poured a drink and brought it and her suitcase back up to her bedroom. 

Hailey swung her legs under her and sipped her own scotch from her own glass as she sat on her own bed. She’d gotten used to the hotel the FBI had put her up in for the few weeks she was there. Now, everything that was ‘her’ in this room she could assign memories to, but was at the same time unfamiliar. Next to her bed there was no large multi-buttoned phone, no notepad, no pen with the hotel name on it. Instead there was a small lamp, a framed picture of her with her brothers, and a lidded cup for hair ties. Everything looked the same as when she’d left it and yet felt so very different. An accurate reflection of how she felt about herself. Looked the same maybe on the outside but something somewhere was different. The difference she supposed was that before she’d gone to New York she didn’t care about what was changing in her, she could see it, could tell it was happening, but instead of fighting it she allowed it to happen, at times willed it, had wanted to change. To be different. Now, though. Now, after being gone, she knew she’d changed, was changing again. Back to a closer version of who she’d been. She wasn’t there yet, was still a good ways away, but she could hear the whisper of her old voice and if she squinted hard enough could almost make out the person she used to be. 

Being away from her partner is what she finally figured out was the key. She missed him. Immensely. She felt what her world would be like without him in her corner, without his smile to cheer her up, his words to guide and his eyes to calm her. She didn’t know when those things became so important to her but they were and she couldn’t deny it. When Jay had been shot and she’d had the vision of him disappearing from her life, she thought that had been bad enough. The focus it had brought her though, the ability to see what she thought was clearly, didn’t last. She’d been thisclose to telling him about her newly identified feelings for him when she realized that perhaps she was acting rashly. As rashly as he’d been in the actions that had gotten him here, had pushed him to nearly taking Bobby West’s phone call. Maybe it was just the adrenaline and the fear that had made her think she was in love with him.

She’d backed off on the confession and pushed the feelings way down deep sticking to the commitment that she’d overreacted, had given in to the emotions of the day. It had been easy to justify. But moving to another state, working without her partner, that was different. There was no extreme to blame her feelings on. Now she’d been living in a world without him but knowing he was still out there, working with others, living his life separate from hers. And that made her heart hurt. Made her miss him.

She was still on East Coast time she realized too late. Her internal clock had already reset to a 6am New York wake up time except here that meant 5am. Hailey groaned and rolled over, stretching. Out of habit she reached for her phone and saw a text from Voight, sent 12 minutes ago. _Get in touch asap_

Hailey took a breath, sat up against her headboard and ran a hand through her hair. She cleared her throat and pushed call in response.

“Hailey.” A gruff voice, not from sleep, answered.

“Morning, Sarge, you’re up early.”

“Caught a case yesterday,” he noted. “Winding down now. Rest of the team is tying it off.”

“Time difference.” was her explanation and was as good of a reason as any.

He grunted in response. She could hear the clatter of dishes and low rumble of voices in the background. A diner, she guessed.

“You got in yesterday.” He left the unanswered question of ‘why didn’t you reach out’ hanging in the air.

Hailey put a hand to her eyes and rubbed. “I did. Figured why wait and caught the last flight out last night. I was gonna call in this morning.”

“Anyone else know?”

He didn’t see her shake her head slightly but that didn’t stop her from doing it. Her answer was simple. “No.”

He clucked his tongue before speaking as though he’d given this possibility some thought. “You don’t want the team blind to you coming back. They already had that once when-“

She cut in sharply. “I didn’t do that.”

“Hailey.” It was an admonishment.

She wasn’t going to apologize. That hadn’t been her call. “Just tell me when you want me in and I’ll be there.” If he wanted to announce her homecoming she’d leave that to him.

“7:30” The call ended.

7:30. Thirty minutes before the first shift would arrive, whoever was on it. That was always a rough realization after catching a case and tying it up. No break unless you could catch one somewhere in the District. But he wanted her in before anyone else got there. There’d be no showy re-entrance to the bullpen she realized and appreciated it. But it also meant he wanted to talk to her privately without ears outside his door. She sighed and began to get ready. A quick shower, her hair towel dried and combed out, then a smile as she stood in front of her closet. Nothing black today. She was back to jeans and a long sleeved top. In the mirror, she realized, she looked like herself again. 

Coffee in hand thanks to a quick stop at Sip 22 she entered the doors of the 21st District. Trudy had already started her day behind the tall counter. Hailey nodded as she made eye contact with the Sergeant as she passed by but didn’t stop or say anything, keeping her face neutral. She heard a ‘Good morning detective’ as she began her palm scan at the gate. Hailey stopped and turned her head, accepting the greeting wordlessly. She was still working out how deep the desk sergeant had been involved in her being tasked away.

Trudy reached for the phone as she went through the gate, no doubt announcing her arrival to her boss.

Hailey walked up the familiar flight of steps leading to the bullpen. She paused as she crested the top and surveyed the layout. Nothing had changed. She blinked a few times and walked slowly up the aisle that led to her desk. Lightly she ran her fingers over the empty top and glanced at the one that butted it: Jay’s. Files were stacked in various piles, some needing Voight’s signature, some he was still in the process of working on, the rest were done and needed the time to be scanned in and submitted through inter-department mail. She smiled at the familiarity of the sight.

“Hailey.” The gravely voice reached her easily and she turned to face him as he stood in the doorway to his office.

“Morning.” She greeted in return.

Voight pushed off the doorframe and turned in to his office. Her cue to follow.

Hailey was wound tight and she knew it. She felt nearly as on guard as she had the last time she walked in to this office though this time she had no secrets to hide. This time it was about trust and the lack of it she felt in the man before her. She could process what she’d done that night, take responsibility for it, but she couldn’t shake the hurt, the anger she felt toward the man who’d given her a home in this unit, the one she’d trusted and respected, the who had sent her away.

“You got out of New York fast.” He commented from behind his desk while sitting somewhat diagonally in his swivel chair.

Hailey was calm on the outside. A reflection of the place she’d gotten herself to on the inside in just the minute between walking in and sitting down. She shook her head and gave a one shoulder shrug. “The job was done.”

Voight simply watched her. She took an obvious breath and continued. “My debrief and exit interviews were put in place, I handed off my files…Didn’t see the need to stick around.”

“No interest in a Broadway show?”

Despite herself a minute smile, maybe closer to a smirk, flashed across her face. “Wasn’t there to play tourist.” She reminded him with the quirk of an eyebrow. “Besides, I wanted to come back. See where I stood.”

Hank grunted as he swiveled to face her straight on and repeated her words. “See where you stood.” He seemed to be mulling over her words. “That’s a funny way to play it.”

He continued as he saw her confused look. “Where you stand, Hailey, isn’t up to me. It’s up to you.”

“Seemed to be up to you the last time I was in here.” She retorted.

He regarded her for a long moment. The report updates he received from her superior in New York told him she’d been successful in staying inside the lines, had made many worthwhile contributions to their team. He was happy to see she still had some fight in her, noted the continued anger against him. He’d deal with that later. As well as the other thing that was troubling him. He was glad to see she hadn’t given in to the guilt of her actions, that it hadn’t taken her down or eaten her alive in so far that he could tell, that he’d heard. But the fact that it didn’t was a bit concerning in its own right too.

“That’s not what that was.”

“Then what was it?” It wasn’t so much a question as a statement, coming out flat.

“That was me saving your ass.” He saw the deep inhalation of breath but continued anyway. “You were heading down a _very_ dangerous road-“

“Sarge,” she interrupted.

His hand went up to stop her and he continued. “Becerra was suspicious of how fast Gael’s case flipped. Within hours everything had tied right up. Nice and neat.” He looked at her pointedly. “Nothing happens that way Hailey. You should know that. Nothing.”

Of course she knew he was right. At the very least she should have waited longer. At most she probably shouldn’t have done it at all. Her face softened a bit as she began to understand.

“You needed to be gone. And if at the same time you could get your head on straight, well that was a bonus. And we needed that bonus. _You_ needed it. It was a win on both sides.”

She found it hard to meet his eyes so kept them averted. “What happened?”

He held up his hands in a quick show of ‘who can say’. “In the end, nothing. It was his product in his trap in his car. No other fingerprints or DNA was found. The anonymous tip to patrol was placed from a burner phone, though they did appreciate the tip to include K9.” He nodded.

Hailey sighed both from relief as well as the new burden of knowing she was burned. She wasn’t about to ask if Becerra knew the ‘who’ besides the ‘what’—it was enough that Voight pretty much knew it all.

“I was called in to answer a few questions about the case. You were unavailable.” He said pointedly. Voight stood up and moved to the front corner of his desk, leaning against it while he folded his arms at his chest.

Hailey nodded. She got it. She figured a thank you was probably in order so she offered it up. “Thank you. I appreciate-

“I’m not interested in your appreciation.” He interrupted curtly, taking her a bit by surprise. “I don’t give a damn if you’re pissed at me or if you’re thankful for not getting called in. I did what I did because you are _valuable_ to me. You’re one of the best we have and this unit is damn lucky to have you. But if you are _ever_ going to have the spotlight fall on this office in such a way again I will bounce your ass right back down to patrol handing out jaywalking tickets to tourists at the lakefront. And that’s if whosever list your name is now on doesn’t come gunning for you first. Remember Hailey, there’s a difference between knowing something was done and _proving_ it. You’re lucky nothing could be proven but the question was there. Your name is in someone’s mouth now.”

She grimaced, getting the fuller picture now and hating herself for assuming the worst in her boss. But she couldn’t give it all up that easily. She processed what he’d said and came out with the main idea: She was an asset to this unit. Not a family member, not a friend. Simply, very good at her job. That had always been her goal so she supposed there was that as a silver lining. She refused to let her eyes shine with tears or her chin tremble even though both were threatening. If that was going to be where her boss lay his focus then she could do the same. Being on the same page would be helpful. She nodded. “Noted.”

He kicked off from the desk. “Okay. We caught a case yesterday but were able to tie it off earlier this morning. Rest of the team’ll be in at noon unless something jumps off. You good to start?”

“I’m ready.” She assured him, standing. She was looking forward to sitting in her seat at her desk again.

“Earlier you said no one knew you were here. That still true?"

She quickly searched for and found the few words needed to explain. “Didn’t see the need. I’ll be here when they come in.” She shrugged before turning and heading to her desk.

Voight was left to watch her go and scrubbed at his face with mild frustration. There was no other way that conversation was ever going to go except for worse so he would take it for how it had gone. Being away hadn’t miraculously changed Hailey back to the by the book cop she’d once been but if she could do the work the right way, in a way that wouldn’t have her in Special Population at Statesville, then that would be what he’d work with. For now.

Hailey shrugged out of her jacket and put it behind her chair before taking a seat and sipping her coffee. It felt good to be here. Like a warm glove over a chilled hand. This was right. It was where she belonged. Where she wanted to be. She turned on her computer and grabbed the one pile of files from Jay's desk that she could actually work on. The fact that she was also helping him was a reason she had to push down.

She knew she was hiding from him. For all the easy, light flirting she had done with Jay over text and phone calls, she knew it would be completely different seeing him in person again. And she _wanted_ to see him in person again but she hated awkward and uncomfortable, the very things she knew she would experience once they were face to face again. Their late night conversations and texts of encouragement to start the day and somber evening ones where they could and did say so much without the filter of making eye contact had gotten her through her stay away. 

She took the pile over to the copy machine and plugged in her ID before hitting the’ scan to email’ function key. It took the better part of an hour for her to get it all done. The next step was taken back at her desk where she continued to work in the still empty bullpen. She opened the multitude of emails she’d just sent herself and forwarded the documents on to the correct departments. Last was to take the files and put them in the inter-department envelopes and label each with the correct name and department. She’d just deposited all of the envelopes in the mailbag and made herself a cup of coffee from the pot she’d brewed earlier in the break room. She walked back in to the bullpen with the cup in one hand and the now empty folders under her other arm. She hadn’t heard the footsteps as they’d climbed the last of the steps, only the last few just before they froze in place.

She looked up and blinked a few times as she swallowed hard and tried to calm her instantly racing heart.

Hailey could only read a few of the emotions that seemed to cross Jay's face, the most notable being confusion.

“You’re back?”


	2. Back at it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hailey returns to the bullpen and her team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dick Wolf is the luckiest guy to own these people.

“You’re back?” Jay was confused. Happy. But incredibly confused. “What-?” He couldn’t even get the question out. Was it the confusion over seeing her so unexpectedly? Or was it the gentle smile she was giving him? One of the many smiles he thought might only be for him. Either way, he fumbled for words, all of a sudden unable to speak.

“Hey” she breathed as her eyes roved all over him. She was unprepared to see him this early. She’d kept telling herself she’d see him ‘later’ but evidently this was then. She swallowed hard and smiled, making herself move her feet forward. She indicated the empty folders under her arm. “Um...I scanned and mailed your completed reports.” She bit her lower lip as she placed the stack on his desk then turned to face him. He hadn’t moved.

“Hailey… you didn’t say anything—I didn’t know you were coming back today.” He was completely caught off guard. He’d hoped she would be back soon, but he thought that every day she had been gone. The fact that she hadn’t said anything, hadn’t texted or called bothered him. He moved to her as she leaned back against her desk. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” She forced it to sound positive and happy and everything that wasn’t scared and unnerved. “The agent I was in for came back out yesterday. So I—“

He was taken aback. Again. “Yesterday?”

He looked like a kicked puppy and Hailey wholly regretted not saying anything to him now. She’d have given anything to not be responsible for causing that look on him, to take it away now.

“You didn’t say anything.” He tilted his head trying to comprehend, to wrap his head around the fact that she was standing right here at her desk, in front of him. 

She’d been wrong not to tell him she was on her way back. She should have at least texted. Her move was instinctive as she raised a hand and placed in on his bicep. “I know. I’m sorry,” she offered knowing it was weak. “It all happened really fast. She came out of deep cover and then I was in debriefs and exit interviews, and I was able to grab the last flight and –“

He interrupted, taking a small step closer to her. “I would have picked you up.”

She nodded, smiling genuinely at him and his heart. “I know you would have. You caught a case--” she wrinkled her nose a bit as she trailed off. That wasn’t the real reason but she could use it for now if it helped relieve him of some hurt.

Jay nodded, understanding that, but his eyes never left her. “I’m just-I can’t believe you’re here.” He thought he might be staring but he couldn’t stop. He hadn’t realized how _much_ he missed that smile, her presence….her.

“Hey listen, I know it’s not much--but to make it up to you how ‘bout I treat you to dinner? I need to get that New York pizza taste out of my mouth asap.” She grinned, relaxing as she stood before him.

“I did promise you Bartolis…” he mused.

“You did,” she agreed, grinning and nodding. The reality of being in the same close space as Jay had seeped right back in to her bones and she relished the feeling. What had she been so afraid of? Why had she been so hesitant to see him? She couldn’t even remember.

“Let’s see how the day goes.” He told her, a small smirk playing at the corners of his mouth.

Before he knew what he was doing he realized his hand was on her shoulder. “Hailey, it’s…it’s really good to have you back. Really good to see you.”

She tried to contain her smile but it was proving impossible. She tilted her head at him and she was so lost in looking at his features that the honesty just tumbled out. “Yeah…I didn’t know how hard it would be—I really missed you.”

The crooked half smile that was so familiar to her displayed. “Yeah? Not just the wind?”

“Oh. Well. Totally missed that, that’s a given.” She teased. Was it her imagination or did she feel a slight squeeze before he took his hand away? She couldn’t be sure.

He nodded, watching her for what seemed like a long moment. Finally he broke the silence, sliding his gaze to his desk and furrowed his brow a bit. “Did you say you did some of my paperwork?” He feigned shock.

Hailey laughed lightly. “Don’t get used to it.”

The day passed blissfully uneventfully. Hailey enjoyed her reunion with the rest of the unit, was glad no one made too big of a deal that she was back. It was simply as if she had come back up after being undercover. Vanessa was the only one who asked why she hadn’t told her she was coming back, but when she explained the same reasons she’d given to Jay she seemed mollified.

As the end of their shift came near, talk of drinks at Molly’s came up.

“Anyone in?” Adam questioned. “Kim?”

“Mm, just one. Seriously this time though.” Adam nodding while rolling his eyes. Kim reached behind her for her jacket and stood. “You guys?”

Hailey and Jay looked at each other then to Kim. Hailey gave Jay a look saying the decision was his. “Thanks. I have a little more here to do. Maybe after though?” Hailey nodded in agreement both at him then at Kim.

“Sign me up,” Vanessa stood with her jacket already on. “And Chicago Fats over here may have swiped me at pool,” she shot Kevin a look. “But tonight it’s darts. And I’m deadly so good luck to you.”

She sauntered past Kevin, giving him a pointed look.

He looked over to Adam. “Yeah, I’m gonna need to stop at the atm on the way but I’ll be there.” He grabbed his own jacket and left before calling over his shoulder. “Good to have you back Upton!”

She smiled in response. “Night!”

Adam and Kim walked over toward her desk. Kim spoke first. “It’s true. Wasn’t the same without you. I don’t care what amazing offer comes your way, don’t take it.” She lightly teased. “Not unless you clear it with this one first.” She thumbed over at Jay.

His color darkened at the comment, “Hey!”

“A total mess,” she continued, teasing.

Hailey’s own color was deepening a bit. “Copy that.”

“C’mon,” Adam took Kim’s elbow lightly, reading the room pretty well. “Hope to see you two later. Don’t forget to kill the lights.”

Voight had gone over to area central earlier to talk to someone about a CI, and with the rest of the unit gone, the two remaining partners were alone. 

“You know not to listen to them right? I wasn’t a mess.” Jay defended himself as the pair disappeared down the steps.

“I don’t doubt it.”

He wanted to ask then, ask why she had taken the opportunity, why she’d left, hadn’t told him about it. He thought they were closer than that and it’d hurt when she hadn’t shared any of it with him. Though to hear the others talk about it periodically, none of them were any wiser. It seemed as though she hadn't told anyone anything. Vanessa would get a bit quiet when it was brought up but even when he’d asked her about it once, she admitted to not truly knowing anything. It had seemed like she was troubled by it but at the same time he felt she was being honest. Ultimately though, he felt like _he_ should have known _something_.

He tried to bypass those thoughts by putting in a bit more work into lessening the small pile of current reports before him.

Hailey’s typing at her computer halted as her partner pushed back hard from his desk, both stretching and yawning loudly.

He eyed her warily as she lightly smirked at him.

“Don’t start with me. As much as I needed to catch up on paperwork, 8 hours of sitting here doing it is a crap way to spend the day.”

“Are you done? Or are you just taking a break to complain about it?”

“Easy for you to say,” he bantered back. “You don’t have anything to catch up on.”

“I’ve spent the day productively,” she shot back haughtily. “Going through the files on updated corner boys and shot callers in the gang reports, updating my ci’s, and I’ve..” she trailed off, aware that she’d made a day of looking busy but not really getting a lot worthwhile accomplished.

Jay grinned a light and genuine smile at her, calling her on her bullshit. “-made 3 pots of coffee, probably drank half of them, spent some time organizing in the supply closet I believe-and---thank you for that by the way,” He held up 2 of his favorite pens. “Made finding these bad boys easier than usual.” He lay them down then stood up and began to walk around to her desk. “And you have been typing up a _storm_ this last ten minutes. What are you--?” He leaned over her, hands flat on her desk, to get a better look at her screen, his smile faltering as he did. “What is that?”

Hailey was logged on to the FBI Task Force team page, messaging with OA. Strangely she felt guilty with Jay hovering over her shoulder. “It’s, um, my ---the agent I was working with in New York. OA.”

Jay nodded, and slowly stood straight.

“He was just updating me on a case I’d been working on. They closed it today and…” she trailed off noticing Jay didn’t care at all about the case. Instead he was giving her a strange look. “You good?”

He hesitated before answering. “Yeah.” Then, “Are you?”

“Yeah,” she assured him with a shrug, holding his look. 

Jay couldn’t name what he was feeling but he didn’t like it. There was a bit of anger though he didn’t know who it was directed at, some hurt, some frustration, and some disappointment. He didn’t know what the mix was called and he’d have loved to be able to shake it off. But it was lingering.

“Are you sure?” Hailey questioned, studying him.

“Yeah.” It sounded a bit weak, even to him. He tried again, forcing a bit more life in to it. “Yeah. Of course.” He found himself giving her shoulder a quick squeeze as he turned and went back to his own desk.

Hailey watched him go then turned back to her screen. She typed a bit more before stopping.

“As much as I missed this place,” she broke the silence. “I think we need a change of scenery. You promised me deep dish.”

He closed the file in front of him and capped his pen, quirking his eyebrow at her. “I think _you_ offered _me_ dinner tonight.”

She laughed lightly, “Okay, yes, I did. But the place stays the same. Bartoli’s? Before it gets busy?”

He laughed in return. “Oh y’mean before the senior special is over?”

“JAY!” she looked around for something to throw at him but came up empty and shot him a faux frustrated glare. “I’m just hungry.” she grumped.

“Tell that guy good-bye and shut it down,” he motioned to her computer as he stood and slid his jacket on, watching her.

“Already done. He had a hot date.”

“Oh yeah?” 

She tilted her head at him, trying to tease out anything she could from his reaction. She thought she saw, was it relief? If it had been there it was so fast she couldn’t get a good read on it. She pursed her lips.

“Yeah. An analyst in the unit.” She stood after making sure her screen had in fact gone dark.

“How’s that working out?” they walked toward the steps, Jay hitting the light switch on the way down.

“Surprisingly well according to him. He may be the exception but they seem to be making it work…” she shrugged a bit, as they walked down and outside to the lot.

Jay took his phone from his pocket. “I’m gonna call ahead for a table.”

“Sounds good.” She smiled at him as they neared his truck. She knew she was expected to go on to her car while he made the call but instead she found herself waiting for him as he completed it.

Jay hadn’t expected her to wait, had shot her a questioning look while he was on the phone but she ignored it. When he hung up, he waited to see what was up.

“I know.” She looked over her shoulder to her car. “I just wanted to say…it’s really good to be back, Jay. It was good to spend the day..with you.” She shrugged a bit. “And—I’m sorry again…”

“Hailey.” He stopped her. “We’re good.” He assured as he once again found himself reaching out to touch her, to reassure her that way too, that they were okay. Something he’d never done before. She seemed to lean in to his hand a bit as she smiled.

“Okay,” she accepted the assurances. “Meet you there then.”


	3. Dining Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short dinner scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Dick Wolf,  
> If you'd like to share these characters I wouldn't say no. Till then though I know they're all yours.
> 
> me

They sat in a booth at the restaurant, each on their third beer, a half eaten deep dish pizza left before them.

Hailey groaned in complete satisfaction. “See, that’s what I’m talking about. _That’s_ pizza.” She leaned back against the pleather vinyl and sighed in contentment.

“Good, huh?” Jay grinned, cutting off another piece and taking a bite.

“It really is. But I don’t know how you can keep eating. I feel like I’m about to die. I mean, what a way to go but still…” She had a hand over her stomach.

Jay snorted. “Yeah, there are definitely worse ways.”

A 3- beer infused thought occurred to Hailey and she grinned to herself. Jay saw the look and questioned her immediately, grinning himself. “Oh no you don’t, what’s that look? What are you thinking?”

Hailey had the audacity to look shocked and put her hands up in self-defense. “What? Nothing—“

“Uh-uh,” Jay poked his fork in her direction. “You don’t get to have that look and not say what’s behind it. Spill.”

Hailey opened and closed her mouth a few times, the blush on her cheeks rising and deepening.

Jay laughed. “Oh, this is gonna be good…!”

“No—I—I just…” She took a deep breath and tried not to let her embarrassment continue its deep dive. “I was just thinking that yeah, there are worse ways to go…but if you’re gonna go? There are better ways.” She hid behind a long swallow of the last of her beer.

“Yeah?” he grinned, pushing his plate away. “Like…?”

“Ummm, like….” A flash vision of kissing a shirtless Jay while running her hands all over his chest ran through her brain. She cleared her throat hoping the action might also clear her brain. She picked up her beer bottle and placed it at the edge of the table, away from her and pointed to it. “Clearly, this is where _this_ stops. Tends to oil the hinges a little too much and the words I shouldn’t say end up coming right out.” She laughed sardonically and blew out a breath between pursed lips. She clapped once and rubbed her hands together. Bluntness. She’d go for bluntness. “Ok, sex. But good sex. _Really_ good sex. If you’re gonna go, I think that may be the best way.”

Jay did his best to control the choke on his own beer. “What?” he managed to croak. He knew exactly what she’d been implying but didn’t think she’d actually voice it. At least not to him.

She continued, gesturing with her hands. “I mean, you’d have to be able to finish for it to be worthwhile, right? To be considered ‘the _best_ way to go’---you wouldn’t want to go in the middle….”

Jay took a long swig from his own beer, draining it. She looked absolutely adorable… beautiful…happy. The beer or her embarrassment lent a flush to her skin and her smile, when she flashed it, lit up her face. He wasn’t blind to the looks other men gave when they passed by or looked over, and he’d taken a certain amount of pride in the fact that she was sitting across from him.

Hailey noticed him intently looking at her. “What?”

“ _Really_?”

She matched his look perfectly. “I said ‘what’?” She offered by way of indignant explanation.

“You can’t---“ he began to play with label on his bottle. “You can’t look like that and talk about…”

A slow smile returned to her as her eyebrows raised. “Sex? I can’t talk about sex?”

He chuckled, not quite meeting her eyes. “Under normal circumstances you wouldn’t, no. “

Her brow furrowed momentarily as she repeated, “Wait, look like what? What does that mean? How do I look?”

Jay was trying not to panic at the sharp turn this conversation had taken. “Hailey,” he began, able to meet her eyes. “You’re just…you’re beautiful. Right now… Always..You have to know that.”

The softness, the ease, that the beers had created in her was immediately gone. Her eyes widened a bit at both his words and the more serious tone he used. She tried to temper the self-consciousness she was all of a sudden aware of. “You think that? That I’m..?”

“Of course” he shook his head at her as if it should be obvious.

Her head dipped down as she played with the napkin in her lap, quietly accepting the compliment. Only her eyes moved up to see him as she murmured. “Yeah well….You’re not so bad yourself.”

His eyes squinted ever so slightly, aware that once again they seemed to be in a moment. He wouldn’t tell anyone but he loved these. They confused him still because for the many that they shared they never spoke about them, never acknowledged them, never moved forward from them. They lived in them and then they passed, and he and Hailey continued with whatever it was that they were doing. He was getting tired of it. Having her gone had hurt. He still didn’t have a full understanding of what had prompted her immediate dispatch to another city in another state on another team. Voight hadn’t been forthcoming with any details, only saying if his partner wanted to share the details then that was her right, but he wasn’t going to say more than what he had at their meeting in the bullpen: “Upton got a last minute opportunity to take part in an inter-agency training program. She’ll be with a task force for a few weeks and then will be back.” And that, as they say, had been that.

He licked his lips, back with her at the table. “Hey, do you ever—“

The waitress interrupted him. “Ready for another beer?”

Hailey watched as Jay looked almost…frustrated? By the waitress? What had she done? But he looked so forlorn. It almost reminded her of the way she felt the day he left the hospital and she’d almost…wait. No. As much as she’d have loved for Jay to have independent feelings for her as more than just his partner, there was no way. He’d been badly burned before and she doubted work place romances would ever figure in his future. Her disappointment slipped through and he could see it.

“Uh, no, thanks. Just a box and,” he looked at Hailey. “The check?” Hailey nodded at Jay and the waitress as she left.

“Hey, what just happened there?” he questioned.

“Where?”

“You. You looked…I don’t know, sad maybe. You okay?”

 _Shit_. “Yeah? No, I mean, I’m okay. Wishful thinking about things maybe but all good.” She tried to beam but couldn’t. _Man, regret mixed with alcohol really isn’t a good thing._

The waitress returned with the check and box. Hailey pulled her wallet out when Jay interjected.

"Ahh no. This is your welcome back, deep dish, forget about New York dinner. It's on me."

"It's supposed to be my apology dinner though."

"You could split it, I can take 2 cards," The waitress offered, trying to be helpful.

Hailey was faster than Jay expected as she lay hera on the table, giving him a soft smile. "No, just one."

" _This_ time" he shot back as the waitress left and he returned his wallet to his back pocket. "Next one is definitely on me."

"Sounds good," she agreed.

They were walking back to their cars, Jay carrying the pizza box.

"Are you ever gonna tell me what made you go to New York? What they offered you that was so great?" The words left Jay's mouth without permission from his brain.

Hailey stopped short as guilt flooded her system. She hadn't told him about Gael, about why she went to New York. She wanted to tell him but didn't want him to know. The most selfish part of her was in charge of that.

"My car's over here," she murmured, pointing 15 feet away, and she turned and walked to it. When they arrived at it there was no where else to go. She turned, looking at him, the street light casting shadows all around them. "Y'know, wishing you knew something, a whole story, is sometimes better than knowing it." she told him quietly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She sighed, wishing she could tell him. "It means—I guess it means sometimes it's just better not to know."

"Hailey."

The look. It was the one that just about did her in. It was earnest and haunting and full of so much of everything good that her heart filled and spilled over with...love. For him. And this time, either the beer or the fact that'd missed him so much for too long, made her do something she'd never done before.

She met his eyes and kept herself open to them, wanting him to be able to see how much she wanted to tell him about what had happened. "Jay" She put a hand on his arm and stood on her toes, pulling him down just a bit to her, and gently allowed her lips to graze his cheek in the lightest of kisses.

Jay was too stunned to speak. His brain taking in her eyes, her scent, the touch of her hair as it brushed softly against his face, the way her lips and breath felt against him as they came in contact with his cheek...and his own heart was surging along with the blood in his veins as he swore he could hear it moving inside him.

And Hailey had surprised herself. She hadn't thought about doing that, hadn't planned it out...it had just been instinctive. Her mouth twitched just the slightest as the feeling of his stubble against her lips left her still with a slight tingling sensation and the feeling of his skin under that made something inside of her quiver. She'd wanted him to know she wasn't shutting him out out of coldness or aloofness, things she'd been accused of before in her life. She cared about him and wanted him to know. But she'd done so without words and now she didn't know what say or do.

She looked up at him briefly and opened her mouth slightly as if to say something but closed it just as quickly. Hesitantly, she put a hand to his chest and felt his heart through his jacket. It made her smile as she glanced at her hand over it. "Thank you, Jay. Have a good night."

She had her key in her pocket and was grateful she didn't fumble for it as she unlocked the car and slid in the seat.

As she went to close the door though his voice stopped her.

"Hailey--" There was so much he wanted to say, but had no idea which words to actually use, how to say any of it. If she'd still been standing in front of him he knew without a doubt that he'd have thrown the damn box to the ground and kissed her. No question. But now she was in her car, the door partially open, looking to him. "Do you want this?" He offered up the box.

She grinned. "No. You keep it."

"Okay. Good night."

"G'night Jay. See you tomorrow." She pulled the door shut tight, started the ignition, and drove off.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow." he murmured. He walked over to his truck and unlocked the door, sliding the pizza over. "Halstead?" he spoke to himself. "You--are a goddamn idiot."


	4. Explosive Information

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fallout from Hailey's actions begin to surface

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> None are mine, all are Dick Wolf's

Adam Ruzek took the stairs two at a time, trying to get up to the bullpen as quickly as possible. He threw Atwater a glance and nodded once as he moved past his desk and went straight for Voight’s office. He rapped on the doorframe and walked in as his boss looked up.

The door shut tight behind him as began to share his news, trying to keep his voice even and the fear out of it. He was only marginally successful. “Sarge, we have a problem.”

Hailey and Jay made eye contact across their desks then looked around. Hailey swiveled around to check the reactions of the others. “Anyone know what that’s about?” she asked the room before turning all the way around to face Kevin. “He okay?”

Kevin kept his face and voice neutral as he told them the extent of what he knew. “He had a meeting with one of his CIs this morning. Got a big tip.”

The team went back to work as Hailey nodded and turned back to her desk. Jay scrubbed at his face. “We gotta come to sort of an agreement,” he groused at her across the desk. “If the game goes in to overtime and they already started late, we just record it and watch something else. Something that allows for a full night of sleep.”

“Isn’t that what makes the game good though? And hey,” she pointed at him. “You’re the one who got me to like the dumb game.” She reminded him.

He shot her a look. “It’s not dumb. It’s a damn hard game.” He grabbed his mug and pretended not to hear her murmured “it’s still a game” retort. Jay pushed back in his chair and looked at her. “Coffee refill?”

She looked inside her cup where a shallow pool of cold coffee sat. “Yeah, thanks.” She smiled at his retreating form as Vanessa came over to perch on the corner of her desk.

“You got home late last night” she crowed quietly.

“You heard him, the game went crazy late.”

“Well, _maybe_ next time, you should just stay there.” Vanessa replied with an extra air of innocence.

“Vanessa, we’ve talked about this,” Hailey rolled her eyes. “We’re—“

“partners, friends, whatever, blah, blah, blah,” she interrupted. “How long are you gonna keep living that half truth?”

“Shhh,” Hailey hissed at her. “We’re at work. Can we talk about this later?”

“Sure,” Vanessa smirked as she hopped down. “If you think you’ll be there and not at –“

“Hailey?” She looked up to see her boss, solemn faced, looking at her. He motioned toward the inside of his door. She inhaled deeply, certain that whatever was going on in there wasn’t good. She just didn’t know what it had to do with her. She looked at Vanessa as she walked back to her own desk, and pushed away the paperwork she’d been working on, stood, and walked slowly to his office.

Jay reappeared in the bullpen holding a mug in each hand to see his partner head in to Voight’s office. He placed the coffees on their desks, throwing a glance ahead to Atwater.

Kevin stood and walked over to Jay. He sat on the corner of his desk while Jay lowered himself in to his seat, and kept his voice low. “So, Adam got a call from a CI the other day—whatever it was Adam wanted details—like detailed details. They meet up this morning to talk it out in person. It’s big Jay.” Atwater’s mouth twitched as his eyes flicked over to the office. “And whatever it is it has to do with Upton.”

Jay sighed as he listened, his worry growing.

“He wouldn’t tell me about it man, but it has him worried. A lot.”

His mouth was a flat line as he took in the information. He hadn’t had time to process anything further before Hank appeared again. “Jay? You wanna join us?”

He shared a look with Kevin who said, “Keep the faith bro.”

Jay nodded as he walked past Voight who closed the door behind him. Adam was seated on the small couch looking wired as Hailey sat in a chair looking uncertain. “What’s going on?” His tone was clipped.

Voight rubbed at his face and took a seat behind his desk, motioning to Adam. “Go ahead.”

Adam hunched his shoulders. “Okay--I have a CI whose brother is over in gen pop at Statesville.” He looked over to Hailey. “Both Luis Reyes and Gael Rodriguez are in there. Gael was denied bail, and Luis couldn’t cover his, so they’re both there waiting for trials.”

Hailey swallowed as she looked over to Voight. He met her gaze with a tight, knowing look before looking back to Ruzek.

Adam continued. “Looks like Reyes started running his mouth recently, trying to earn points, talking about how --this cop—worked with him, cut him a deal.”

“Cops cut deals all the time.” Jay interrupted as he noticed Hailey’s head dip down and her eyes focus on her lap.

“A _special_ deal.” Adam continued as his eyes flicked to Hailey. “One that ended up with Gael arrested.”

She appreciated that he was skipping the details. She knew them too well.

Jay didn’t share that appreciation since he was hearing this information for the first time. He was putting two and two together and not at all liking what it looked like the sum was. Hailey had worked Reyes and as a result, she’d had something to do with Gael’s arrest, something more than using typical info to secure an arrest. He looked at Hailey whose body language screamed ‘uncomfortable.’ She adjusted in her seat and took a deep breath. Jay saw the beginnings of a shine developing in her eyes before she looked away from him.

“Word got back to Gael” Ruzek paused. “Reyes is in the infirmary and probably headed to med, got jumped in the courtyard. Doesn’t look good. But Gael…” He licked his lips. “Gael _got_ the name of the cop and he wants revenge--ordered a hit—There’s a $100,000 bounty out.”

Adam’s eyes locked on Hailey and her breath caught in her throat as her eyes blew open wide.

Voight had already heard Adam’s information and had placed a call over to his sources at the prison. He’d gotten confirmation back before calling his detectives in. “You’re under protection” he told Hailey. “We’re putting you in a safe house and-”

“Wait a minute, WAIT A MINUTE!” Jay all but yelled. He was tired of being so out of the loop and playing catch up. “Are you saying—“

“Yeah, Jay,” Hailey spoke softly and nodded, guilt written all over her face. “What you’re thinking--That’s exactly what he’s saying.” She looked over to her boss as she began shaking her head. “Sarge—“

“It’s not up for discussion, Hailey. My sources confirmed Adam’s CI. Jay? You’re gonna take her home, grab some things and I’ll text you the location of the safe house. Adam, contact your CI and tell him you want updates as he gets them, and you want him to get them fast. Sweeten the pot. I don’t care what you have to do.”

“On it.” Adam stood, squeezing Hailey’s shoulder as he walked out, Voight behind him.

It was quiet in the room as Hailey and Jay sat. They both appreciated that the door had been closed.

“What. _TheFuck_.Was that all about?” Jay spoke low as he turned to face her. “Hailey, I’m lost here. What, _exactly_ , did you do?” Jay’s voice betrayed him. Spoke volumes about how scared he was having heard about--whatever this was.

“Can we—“ she cleared her throat. “Can we talk about it—not here? I’ll tell you everything,” she swore. “Just—not here, not right now.”

He stared at her knowing now that however bad he thought this might be, it was actually worse. “Get your coat.”

The ride back to her house was filled with a tense silence, a long cry from their usual conversations, banter over radio station choices, or quiet easy silences.

Nearly to her place Jay spoke. “Are you gonna talk to me?” He chanced a look at her.

“Here?”

“Unless there’s some magical telling place you’re waiting to give me directions to, then yeah, might as well be here. _Now._ ”

Hailey took in a breath and was quiet for a moment. Her hands went to her head as she smoothed hair back from her forehead and left them on her head, her arms blocking her view of Jay.

“I brought Luis down to the cage the night we arrested him,” she began quietly. “I reminded him about how hard the time he’d already done was for him, how he could still get the reduced sentence…but I needed information.”

Her bringing a suspect down to the basement wasn’t a normal move for her. His brow furrowed a bit but he kept listening as he drove.

“I told him what I needed to know—about the traps he installed, which car of Gael’s had it, the specifics, how to operate it…"

He pulled in to the parking space outside of her place. “Hailey, please. Please tell me you didn’t…”

She pulled her hands down to her thighs and rubbed the palms of her hands on them. She continued softly. “Product was found in the trap. Product I put there. Had a CI call in the tip…”

He pulled the key from the ignition but neither one made a move to get out of the truck.

“Voight knew?” he asked quietly.

She nodded. “Becerra called him when she got the arrest record. The night I left.”

It was Jay’s turn to nod. “I can’t believe you did that,” he told her, surprised and quiet voiced. He felt sick that she had been able to bring herself to do it, that she hadn’t told him, that he hadn’t noticed how far gone she’d been.

Hailey looked out the window. It didn’t matter who believed it, believed she could be capable of it. It was done. She’d done it. It was a fact now. For her, a memory.

“So Voight sent you to New York…” he nodded, seeing the whole picture.

“I was on the first flight out the next morning. Gone.” She spoke to the window.

It was quiet after that. Eventually the windows fogged up from their breath and still neither spoke. Until Jay did.

“I get why you did it…”

She turned back to him, confused.

“I wish you hadn’t.” he told her simply. “I wish you’d have come to me, called, texted, anything.”

“What would you have said? If I had?” she queried, blinking a few times.

“I don’t know. But I’d have made damn sure you didn’t do it. Didn’t risk your career, your life…” The thought of Hailey in prison turned his stomach.

“There isn’t any proof.” She thought she was assuring him but Jay’s anger spiked, surprising her.

“You think that matters?! You know you did it Hailey! Voight knows, _I_ know…”

“I didn’t _want_ you to know!” her anger rising to match his.

“Because you knew it was fucked up? You knew it was wrong?” he retorted hotly.

She scoffed and gave him a scathing look.

Jay thought she’d say something but instead was caught off guard when she opened the truck door and jumped out, walking toward her front door.

He followed, hot on her heels, catching up as she unlocked the door and walked in.

“What happened to trusting me?! I thought you trusted me Hailey!”

“I _do_ trust you!” she hissed loudly, closing the door behind them.

He scoffed. “Yeah? Well you got a funny way of showing it. You leave without saying a word, head off to New—“

Her response was immediate. “Jay, that wasn’t my choice!”

“How long did it take you to reach out, huh? To let me know you were ok—“

She scrubbed at her face, frustrated. “I needed _time_. I had to adjust—“

“And after all the talking we did while you were there, you come back and you don’t say a word about it, you don’t tell me anything? You don’t trust me to—“

Hailey snapped, unable to take it anymore. “Of _course_ I trust you! It’s not that, it’s that I don’t you it’s that I don’t trust _me_!”

He watched her intently, not saying anything for a minute as he felt his heart race, his chest rise and fall quickly with emotion. He forced himself to temper his anger. “What does that mean, Hailey? You don’t trust yourself to what?”

Hailey hid, putting her hands over her eyes, regretting this entire conversation. “This isn’t getting us anywhere” she muttered then sighed. Her new tone was matter of fact. “Jay. Can we please let this go? For now at least? It’s not going to help anything.” She turned away. “I have a go bag in the closet.”

Jay’s feet moved fast to counter her moves and within seconds he had moved in front of her. “ _No_. No, absolutely not. We’re gonna talk about this. Hailey, why don’t you trust yourself?”

The moment their eyes met Hailey knew it was over. There was nowhere else to go, nowhere to hide from him. She knew he could see it all in her because she could see it all in him.

“Because when I’m with you--

Hailey didn’t have time to finish her answer as the rain of bullets punctured the exterior wall that stood between the inside and outside of her home. Instinctively, Jay dove at her and pulled her down and behind the couch as tufts of fabric peppered the air around them along with the bullets. The noise and destruction seemed to go on forever before it suddenly stopped then moved. The side glass doors were the next things to explode, glass shattering.

Hailey’s ears were ringing and she was so disoriented that she began to scrabble to a standing position before Jay pulled her back down roughly. She looked to him, stunned, blinking before understanding his signal to her to stay down.

Her heart was racing and she tasted bile in the back of her throat. This wasn’t her usual behavior in a firefight. Though this was a pretty one sided one. Jay was reaching behind him for his gun. “Jay?” she wasn’t sure how loud she was being with the ringing continuing in her ears.

And if they’d been unprepared for that attack, they were even less so when it was followed up with flash bangs to further disorient them, then by boots in front of them. Hailey felt herself pulled backward roughly by her hair. She skittered to a stop and looked up to see…someone…above her. The blow to her head was fierce and swift, knocking her fully unconscious.


	5. Captivity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hailey and Jay have been kidnapped courtesy of the hit on Hailey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was running a bit long so I split it up. Hope to have the second part up later on tonight.
> 
> These are all Dick Wolf's babies.

She was becoming aware. Aware of pain and cold, throbbing and stiffness, followed by the awareness that she hadn’t felt anything, had only lived in blackness. She thought maybe that that had repeated a few times, but now something new was in place-- an awareness of a warmth, a soothing voice. She tried to find it, to open her eyes, but there was something keeping them stuck together. Motor skills were returning sloppily as she batted at her eyes, rubbed, and the substance came away. She tried again, this time successful at cracking open her eyes first into slits then wider. Blurred darkness was everywhere except for the thing closest to her. She watched it as it came more and more into focus. “Jay?”

“Hey, hey take it easy. You’ve been out for a while.”

She tried to get up in to a sitting position but her head protested the move. Groaning, she took a deep breath and tried again.

“Hailey, slow down,” Despite the warning she continued to try and bend and move. Jay’s mouth twitched as he moved an arm around her to help and pulled her against him. They sat now, both of their backs against a wall, and he looked at her. She was breathing hard from the effort of moving, knees to her chest as she hung her head forward. A gash to her forehead had leaked blood down her face and in her hair as she’d been prone. The rust color smeared across her features. “Hey-you good?” He reached over to lightly pull her hair back then touch her forehead.

“Mm hm, I’m good. What happened?” she croaked.

“You’re worth a hundred grand,” he reminded. Dead or alive wasn’t part of the information they’d been given. 

A few seconds passed while Hailey rubbed at her hands, then held them close up to her face to see it was dried blood that she’d rubbed from her eyes. “Fuck,” she whispered.

“That’s an understatement.”

She looked to him. “How are you? Are you--”

“I’m good,” he nodded.

Hailey head hurt but she could still see through his bullshit. She studied him the best she could in the dim light of wherever they were. “Hey,” It was her turn to reach for him, taking his chin and turning his face toward her a bit. “Let me see.” He’d obviously taken a few punches, probably gave as good as he’d gotten, but still there was a solid cut on his cheek, and the skin above it was darkening in blotches. “Yeah,” she deadpanned. “You’re doing great.”

She sighed and leaned her head back against the wall. “This isn’t good. Jay, I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t be here.”

“And you should?”

Hailey pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes briefly. “This is on me.” It was a simple but honest rationalization.

“Hailey,” began softly. “We’re getting out of here, no question. _You’re_ getting out. There’s 3 of them, there’s 2 of us. We got this.”

She nodded gently, finding it easier to accept his truth than challenge it. “Yeah,” she whispered.

Jay grunted while adjusting his position. “Plus, Voight’ll find us.” He could imagine the blue lights that swarmed her place as neighbors called in to 911 with reports of shots fired. It wouldn’t take more than 2 minutes for the owner of the home to be named and only seconds to connect her to CPD. Their unit would be all over it, getting boots on the ground and starting the process to find them.

For her part, Hailey wondered how they got here. The last things she remembered were Jay pulling her down to the floor while bullets flew, then a hard boot meeting her head. Tentatively, she traced a finger over her forehead, tenderly feeling the split. The good news she supposed, was that the bleeding had stopped. The bad news was they were in this place with people who obviously had an agenda to collect the bounty that had been put on her head.

She looked around the small room they were in. Small room. Big closet. Something else. She couldn’t tell exactly. “Any idea where this is?”

Jay shook his head. “Not a clue.”

She took a breath and waited a moment before asking the more important question. “How are we here?”

“Back of a van.” he grimaced and shook his head. “No windows but I kept track of turns and environmental sounds. Didn’t seem too far, still in the city I think. But that’s about it.”

She looked at him a bit more curious. “No, I mean—how did _you_ get here? How’d they take you?”

Jay sighed and turned away from her a bit. He thought back to the hours earlier when Hailey crumpled beside him under the asshole’s steel tipped boot. He’d jumped up and went for the closest guy, taking swings and landing punches, the guy landing a few of his own. He’d been reaching for his gun before hearing “Ah,ah,ah, I wouldn’t do that.” The other guy pushed a gun to the back of Hailey’s head. “Unless you’d like to wear her brain?”

Jay had swallowed hard and given in. Emptying the clip and putting the empty gun down, he watched as the guy he’d fought scooped it all up. “Bottom of the trash, all the way under,” the one with the gun to Hailey’s head directed.

Under the gun pointed at him, Jay had been the one to the pick his partner up off the floor and carry her out to the waiting van, cradling her head in his lap while the van moved through the streets. He’d had time at least, in picking Hailey up, to slide his phone under her couch, the _Find_ _My_ app wide open.

He looked at her now and shrugged. “The position we were in, Hailey, there wasn’t much of a choice.”

She mulled it over for a minute until the quiet in the room became overwhelming.

“I don’t suppose you have your phone?” A question she knew the answer to, figured he’d been made to ditch it or it had been taken, but to she felt the need to fill the silence.

He knew it was rhetorical but still shot her a look. “I do actually--but my battery's low so I’m saving it in case I want to order delivery later.” He thumbed toward the door, “But they did offer up their wifi code so-- _score_!” he switched to 2 hands now and gave her 2 thumbs up and a fake bright smile.

Hailey snorted lightly. “Well. Good to see your sense of humor isn’t hurt.” She looked to the rectangle across the floor from their position. “Door?”

“Locked from the outside.”

She nodded. Of course it was.

"Weapons?" Her tone was hopeful but she knew the likelihood of there being something in here for them to use was slim. He just looked at her, and quirked his brow. She got it. No weapons. "Well," she breathed out. "At least we're not tied up. So there's that."

"Yeah, these guys aren't pros. But they know what they want so, still dangerous."

Sighing, she found herself tilting her head to rest up against her partner's shoulder. She'd never done that before and Jay took notice, not just because of the thrill that it sent through him even in this situation, but because it was so unlike her. He looked down at her, "You doing okay?"

"Mm hm, fine. Headache. Got any motrin?" she kept her head where it was and looked up at him, smiling. He smiled back and gently touched her forehead.

"Sorry. M'all out."

"Yeah," she whispered. "Figures." she gave him another quick smile.

Noises and scuffling sounds could be heard from the other side of the door and they were getting closer.

"They're coming Hailey. How do you want to play this? We just gotta run the clock till the team gets here." He nodded at her, giving her a non verbal assurance.

She hadn't had time to think and answer before the door opened and 3 men were inside. Hailey took note of the tallest one, his face sporting some ugly cuts and bruises courtesy of Jay no doubt. She did a quick assessment of the other two: the shorter one and the other one. They both had neck tattoos but she couldn’t make out what they were of, all were dark haired and dark eyed from what she could tell. A scar ran from Other’s right eyebrow to the corner of his lip.

“Ahhh, look who’s up.” The shorter one leered, squatting down right in front of her. “Hope you got some good rest cuz we’re gonna party allll night.” He slid a finger from the side of her face to her nose to her lips, making kissing noises at her.

Hailey responded by biting it. Hard.

She got a hard slap in return, her head twisting to the side with the force and tears pricked her eyes. “Bitch!” He spat, holding his finger.

“ **HEY**!” Jay started but Hailey immediately threw an arm against his chest. He easily still could have moved but he took her unspoken signal to stay down. They had to run the clock.

Shorter stood up and walked to Taller who grinned. “She’s _feisty_.” Taller gave a nasty smile and walked over to Hailey. “Oh baby, we are gonna work that fire right out of you.”

She stared right at him and quirked an eyebrow. “Yeah? Good luck with that.” Her leg swiped out in front of her, tripping him and causing him to fall. She scrabbled forward to grab at him and pulled him in to a chokehold. Other and Shorter whipped out guns, pointing them at both Hailey and Jay.

“I will fucking shoot you.” Shorter said, looking her straight in the eye. “It’s 100 Gs no matter if you’re in a bloody heap or smiling for the camera.”

Hailey stared back at him, breathing hard.

“Get her off me, man!” Taller choked out.

“Or maybe you don’t want an audience?” He pointed his gun directly at Jay. “Maybe we shoot your friend instead? And then it’s just us and you…?”

“Let him go Hailey” Jay told her. He was counting on the team finding his phone, using it to track the gps in his watch. If all went well they’d just have to play this out for a little while longer.

Her head whipped over to him as she continued applying pressure to the throat. Her eyes screamed _what are you talking about?!_

His replied back _, just do it. Trust me_.

Begrudgingly she did. As she let go, Taller scrambled forward and stood, turning to Hailey. “You’re gonna pay for that,” he panted.


	6. Captivity part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Hailey whump. sorry :-(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing has changed, none of them belong to me. Cuz look at what I'd do if they did!

Shorter and Other kept their guns on Jay. “She’s all yours Hector,” Shorter told Taller.

Hailey glared at him. “Try it,” she challenged. A safety clicked off as her eyes went back to Shorter.

“You can cooperate and your boyfriend can live. Or you can be a bitch, make it hard, and then you can clean up all the blood he leaves behind.”

She maintained eye contact for as long as she could. There was no way she’d put Jay in extra danger. This was her mess and hers alone. Groaning a bit, she pushed up off of the floor trying to stand.

“Hailey,” Jay hissed, grabbing her arm. “Don’t—“

She cut him off. “It’s okay,” told him softly. She had to do this. Even as she prayed this wasn’t the last time she’d see her partner she kept her gaze on his, trying to let him see inside her, see that while she was responsible for this, she wouldn’t let him drown with her if she could help it. She tried to show him the love she had for him, even if she didn’t have time for the words. She’d try though.

“I--’ Her words were cut off by a sharp yank of her arm as Taller grabbed her and held her tight pushing her toward and out the door. “Let’s go chica. You got a lot to make up for, you’re gonna show me such a good time…”

Jay kept track of the time. The longer Hailey was gone the more scared for her he became. How it was that these 3 assholes ended up with the upper hand boggled his mind. But he knew why they did—they simply were using them against each other. Want him to do something? Threaten to hurt her. Want her to do something? Threaten to hurt him. 

They were in a bad place.

Down the hall in another room Hailey was zip tied and had her arms hoisted up and tied to a pipe that ran just under the ceiling.

She could take this, she told herself over and over. Taller sauntered over to her, leering, and grabbed the hair behind her head, yanking it back hard. She grunted despite herself.

“Guess who’d better be a good little girl this time? C’mere…” He crushed his lips against her as she grimaced, disgusted by the act, his breath, his closeness. She bit down on his lip holding her jaw closed as he howled and tried to rip away from her.

When he did, his mouth was filled with the blood gushing from his lip, spilling down over his chin. Hailey spat down to the floor. If these assholes were going to take her she was going to make it very hard and very painful for them. At least that’s what she’d thought. Hoped. But very quickly they changed their plan, trading their pleasure for her pain.

Taller came back at her, wiping his mouth and smearing the blood. “This is what you want?” He took the blood on his mouth and wiped it down her face.

A moment later his fist connected with her jaw, followed by a high kick to her stomach. The hits kept coming as they took turns holding her as the others struck. They worked her over long after she’d stopped making sounds and her eyes had rolled back, her world going dark.

Other brought her back in the room while the others hung back in the doorway. He threw her down roughly in the middle of the concrete floor. He was backing back toward the doorway before Jay could make sense of the scene before him.

“Chula can take a hit, I’ll say that for her.” Taller shook out his hand ,smirking. “Gonna have to switch it up next time.”

“You’re fucking dead.” He spat at them. “All of you.”

“Hey jefe, you’re so interested, what say next time we let you watch, we _make_ you watch” Shorter laughed, waggling his eyebrows at him.

Other piped up then. “C’mon, I’m hungry. Gotta get my energy up…”

“That’s all you’ll be able to get up,” Taller mocked as they backed out the door.

“You kidding man? You look at her? It’s gonna be so good.” Laughter petered out as the door shut tightly behind them and the lock clicked in to place.

Jay went immediately to Hailey. “Hailey? Hey--Jesus,” he whispered, taking a look at the effects of the beating she’d taken. A split cheek and lip, mottled redness where new bruises were already forming, blood nearly covering her face to the point he didn’t know where it was even coming from, it seemed like it was everywhere. Gingerly, he lifted her shirt and closed his eyes to the unnatural discoloration of her skin there too. He took some relief to see that her bra seemed undisturbed, and hoped that meant the rest of her clothing had remained untouched.

He pulled her gently so that her head lay in his lap as he smoothed her hair, trying to avoid the parts where still wet blood had clumped the strands together. Tears pooled and fell fast and he began murmuring affirmations. “You’re gonna be okay, Hailey. We’re gonna get out of here and get you over to med. Will’s gonna, he’s gonna be so pissed to see us there again. But they’ll get take care of you…” he heard his voice break but couldn’t stop talking. “The team’ll find us. Between everyone’s CIs you know someone knows something about this, and they’ll talk. And they’ll show up. And I swear to you I will kill all three of those assholes and then Gael…we’ll stop it today Hailey.” He shook his head as he felt her body tremble a bit. “Who do you think’s gonna be more pissed that we’re in this situation? Voight? Ruzek? My money might be on Rojas…” He wiped at his wet face with the back of his hand. Despite Hailey’s feelings about her boss recently, Jay knew that Voight respected Hailey, valued her presence within the team, was grooming her to further her leadership within the unit…And Adam, the short time they’d dated had left them with a solid friendship, one where he knew there a mutual caring for the others well-being. And then there was Rojas. She would bring hell down on these assholes for messing with the first person to show her friendship and love. He kept talking to her, whispering apologies and promises.

At the 21st District the bullpen was a tense place to be. They unit minus 2 had been working harder than hard to find the two missing detectives and so far they’d come up with nothing. The threat of talking out against Gael Rodriguez, even anonymously, was too great to take the chance.

Ruzek and Voight were on hairpin triggers while Kim was trying her best to keep emotion out of her brain while working on leads. Vanessa was strangely calm, working every lead diligently and making sure all of the details had been gone over, that every possibility was explored.

The noise of Kevin bounding up the stairs startled everyone. “We got something Sarge!” He yelled across the room, holding up a clear evidence bag with a phone inside.

“Whaddya got?” Voight wanted to know immediately.

“Patrol had it logged figuring it was Upton’s phone. They put in an order for confirmation, to have it pinged. I saw the ask when I was going through the updated report so I grabbed it.” He looked around the faces of his team he finished, “Vanessa had already found Hailey’s phone in Jay’s truck.” He looked to Vanessa for confirmation and she nodded back.

“Yeah, Hailey’s phone, wallet, those were all in Jay’s truck. We figure she only went home for a few things before heading to the safe house.”

Voight’s head lowered a bit. That had been his call and if he could have it back he’d have done it differently. Something he wouldn’t normally do. For anyone else going to a safe house, going home first wasn’t an option. He’d done it for Hailey because she was one of his. And now here they were.

Ruzek saw the hole in what Vanessa was saying. “But Jay’s phone _wasn’t_ in the truck? So that could be his?” He grabbed for the bag, turning it over but only seeing the black covered back and the dark screened front.

“It’s dead,” Kevin reported.

Kim had already opened her desk drawer and pulled out a cord. “Charge it up.” She directed, holding it out to Adam.

A watched pot never boils has nothing on a watched phone never charges. It seemed like an hour had gone by before the battery light flashed on the screen indicating the beginning of the charge. They waited another minute until they could access the screen---Ruzek looked around, “Anyone know his passcode?”

Vanessa piped up. “Hang on,” and she went to Hailey’s desk to root around, coming up with a small flip pad. “I know they---they swap information for that kind of stuff. Just in case.” She finished quietly then read out the numbers.

Adam tapped them in and the app that was last opened showed as Kim was the first to speak. “He’s telling us where they are.”

Within minutes they had the location of Jay’s watch and had called in patrol for back up. All of their cars screeched out of the District lot.


	7. Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of their time in the basement. Sorry for the short chapters. It was long altogether and I figured I could post a bit and continue to work on it at the same time. It's almost to the end! Tomorrow should see the conclusion....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> None of them are mine.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to leave a comment. I really appreciate your support. Thank you!

Hailey heard soft sounds and tried to make out the meaning behind them. The pounding in her head was drowning out everything else and the small tremors she began to feel were strengthening into near convulsions. She turned on to her side and retched, finally releasing a small pool of liquid tinged with blood. She whimpered and Jay slid them back just a bit. He didn’t like what Hailey seemed to be going through but on the other hand she was alive. He continued to talk to her, telling her how it would be any minute now that they’d be outside, that she’d hear Voight’s voice barking orders.

He changed positions and now basically cradled Hailey’s whole body in his lap. He knew how much she probably hurt by him moving her around but he also didn’t like the idea of her laying on the cold concrete floor.

After a while she touched her tongue to her lip and looked up at him the best she could. “Hey,” she whispered, hoarsely. “Got any change?”

He looked at her as though her question didn’t make any sense. Because it didn't.

“I’m _ok_ Jay, just, change---give me any you have.” She held up a cupped hand to him.

He sighed, adjusting her a bit while pulling a few coins from the front pocket of his jeans. “I don’t know what you think you’re gonna do with that.”

“I’m gonna take the bus,” she whispered. Then, despite her state she managed a flash of a wicked smile. It was all she had and all he needed to know that she had a plan.

She kept the coins in her hand until they came back. This time though there was just the one.

“So what say you jefe, I can do her here? You down to watch?” Shorter took Hailey’s hair and pulled her off of Jay’s lap by it. “Or did you want it be just us princess?”

Hailey moaned and whispered something inaudible. Shorter leaned down, “What you sayin?” She mumbled a bit more and as his face dipped closer to hers she elbowed him hard in the face. He was caught off guard and dazed. Hailey flipped over and immediately flattened her hand over his mouth, keeping it there while the change was thrown back in to his airway. She watched him begin to choke with cold eyes.

Jay jumped up and punched him over and over, taking out his anger on what had happened to his partner. Finally, Hailey moved between them. “Enough” she whispered at him. “Take the door.”

Jay nodded in understanding. She crawled over to take a position against the wall, to be the first thing seen by whoever came through.

They didn’t have long to wait before Taller and Other arrived. She watched through half lidded eyes as Jay took hold of the door as it opened and he slammed it shut right on Other, startling and hurting him he fell. Jay turned on Taller as he came through next, uncertain of what the hell was going on. Jay took him down easily and went back over to Other. Within 2 minutes Other was also out cold.

Jay immediately went over to Hailey who could barely keep her eyes open. He crouched down in front of her as she gave him a weak smile. “Nice job” she mumbled.

“Hey, hey, Hailey?” He put a hand to the side of her head. “Stay with me…Hailey…?”

A rumbling noise came from behind him as Voight came through the opened door, stepping over the men right by it. “Jay!”

Jay turned his head and let out a huge sigh of relief. He turned back to Hailey who was now slumped against the wall. “They’re here….” He was rubbing the side of her face again, this time a bit harder. “Hailey?” His eyes wild he turned back to his boss who was calling in to the mic in his glove. “I’ve got Halstead and Upton. Officer in need of assistance, roll that ambo in here _now!”_ He walked over to Jay. “It’s right outside Jay, we had it roll with us just in case.”

The rest of the team barreled in and quickly took in the sight before them. Adam, Kevin and Kim took the two men in to custody. cuffing them and hoisting them upright, dragging them out and up to the waiting patrol cars. They left the one to be declared on the floor. Vanessa stood to the side watching Hank and Jay as they spoke to Hailey.

“Jay?” her voice was small. “Is she…”

“She’s fine, she’s fine” he repeated too quickly. “she’s fine.”

Voight put a hand on his shoulder. “Jay,” he said quietly. “C’mon…” He tried to move Jay out of the way as the paramedics came down with their backboard and equipment, but it took seeing them trying to work with him in the way for him to move.

“I couldn’t do anything,” he told his boss, his voice breaking with emotion.


	8. The light begins to shine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is winding down. Another chapter or two....  
>  Nothing belongs to me.

Jay stood outside in the morning light. “They used us against each other, Sarge.”

“I know, Jay. I know.” And he did. The two detectives weren’t involved in a workplace romance but that didn’t mean that their feelings for each other weren’t evident. By everyone it seemed, except maybe to them.

The paramedics were loading Hailey in to the back of their rig while blue lights spun on top of patrol cars and yellow tape was put up around the perimeter. Jay was scrubbing his face when Voight nodded to him. “She’s going to Med. Go with her Jay. Be there for her when she wakes up.”

The flash of confusion on Jay’s face wasn’t lost on Hank. Was he giving permission for this? Neither knew, but for now, for both detectives, it was important for them to stay together, to be there for each other. Jay nodded, continuing to look at his boss before tearing himself away and running to the ambulance. “Hold up!” He hopped in to the back and took his spot beside his partner for the ride.

Arriving at Med, the ambulance was met by the ED receiving team plus Will who’d inserted himself upon hearing it was a CPD, 21st District detective. Hearing it was Hailey coming in gave him almost double the concern. His team would need to be aware of covering her medical needs plus the emotional ones his brother would have.

The paramedics rolled her through the doors of the hospital, running the report off to the doctors. Will took in Hailey’s condition then met Jay’s eyes over the bed as each walked on opposite sides. Hailey looked horrible and as the bruising was setting in nearly unrecognizable.

Will motioned Jay to the waiting room as they passed it and reluctantly Jay stopped there. Will paused too, putting a hand on his shoulder. “We got her, Jay. Go in there. Sit and breathe. I’ll come update you after her initial assessment.”

Jay nodded mutely and went in to take a seat. It wasn’t long before other members of the team joined him but he didn’t have much to offer any of them. He’d felt nearly useless during their hold, worried that anything he did or didn’t do would result in Hailey paying the price. They’d never been in such a position before and it was messing with his head. 

When Will walked in looking grim, everyone stood and walked quickly over to him. But not Jay. He hung back a bit not trusting his feet to move and not wanting to hear if Will had bad news. He’d rather live here in the not knowing then know if it that was the news he had.

Will knew him well though, he wouldn’t start before Jay was in the loop. “It’s okay, Jay.”

Jay let out a long breath and took the steps needed to move up to the group.

Will began. “I’ll keep it short. It’s no secret Hailey took a pretty severe beating. She’s concussed, she’s getting stitched up right now, and she’ll be sore from some bruised ribs. She’s gonna look like hell for till those bruises start to fade….the most troubling part is that she does have some internal bleeding.”

Vanessa put a hand to her mouth as Kim took Adam’s arm and let out a shaky breath. Jay’s eyes widened as Will put up a hand. “Right now, she’s not looking at any surgery. We’re flooding her with IV fluids, vitamin K, plasma, and some other things that you probably don’t care about.” He smiled a bit. “That’s a long-winded way of saying that we’re treating her, but she should be okay.” He looked to Jay. “Give her some time, she’s still a little out of it, but you’ll get to see her later on. Hailey’s gotta give her okay to that but I’m sure she’ll want to see you all.” Then he added, “A few at a time.”

The group murmured their thanks as Will pulled Jay to the side.

“So, she’s gonna be good.” Jay was looking for confirmation.

Will put a hand to Jay’s arm. “It’s looking that way, Jay yeah. I mean, those guys…they did a real number on her.”

Jay’s lips sealed and his voice was tight when he found it. “Are you saying…. What about…”

“No, Jay, no.” Will rushed the answer out. “No evidence of any kind of sexual assault. When she’s ready for it though, I am going to have Dr.Charles come down and talk with her.”

His hand was rubbing at his face, basking in the relief at that for a moment. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

Will dipped his head down a bit and dropped his voice to a conspiratorial tone. “What’s this about this being part of a hit out on her?”

Voight was walking up to the pair and heard Will’s question. He smirked. “We’re taking care of that.” He turned to Jay and raised an eyebrow. “I know you’ve been through a lot and you want to see your partner, but sounds like it’s gonna be a bit. Meantime…you up for a drive?”

He filled him in on the events that had already been put in play. Jay had been given the task of delivering the news to Gael at the prison and Kim was put in charge of driving him there. Voight didn’t need him picturing the delivery while pushing his truck to max speed and winding up wrapped around a tree.

So Kim would have to deal with the moodiness, the near whining that she wasn’t going fast enough, and the reminders that he’d have made it there already if he was driving. Kim rolled her eyes and silently reminded herself about the purpose of the drive, allowing Jay to grumble the whole way.

She waited outside while Jay signed in, showed his badge and handed over his gun. He sat in front of the plexiglass and waited for Gael Rodriguez to show.

When he sat down each man picked up the phone on their side. Gael spoke first. “I heard she was taken. Is she dead yet?” he smirked.

Jay did his best to keep his face neutral and his emotions in check. “Nope. Alive and doing just fine. The guys who wanted that bounty though, don’t worry about paying them. You can cancel that check, they won’t be needing it.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” The man looked confused. The news that Hailey wasn’t dead obviously unknown to him.

Jay smiled. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’ll be able to get someone else. In fact, there’s someone new checking in today, got a special transfer over from Big Muddy. I heard he wanted to meet you.” He paused for effect. “Seems you dated his sister, you know the one you killed then left in a vat of acid?” Another pause. “Did you know she was a twin? She was.” Jay nodded at him. “Had a twin brother. What’s that called-- fraternal? “ Jay sat forward. “Yeah, they were _real_ close. She told him all about you. He’s _real_ excited to meet you.”

Gael’s face paled.

“I’m guessing I’ll be getting a report on you…” Jay looked at his watch. “ _real_ soon.” Jay smirked large and hung up the phone slowly.

Jay had been right. Before the end of the day, Voight had gotten a call from the prison warden. Gael had been found dead in his cell, an empty gallon jug of liquid bleach had been ingested along with one vicious stab wound to his heart.

As he and Kim headed back to the car Jay’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He took a look at the simple words Will had texted: _She’s alert. Asked for you._ He texted back quickly before looking at Kim.

“Hey Burgess? Whaddya say I drive back?”


	9. A bright beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it folks. End of the ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing about this belongs to me.

“Just remember,” Will cautioned. “It’s gonna get worse before it gets better.” It was the same spiel he gave to the rest of her team as they came in small groups to visit. Now it was his brother’s turn.

“I got it.” Jay’d been amped since getting Will’s text. He took a step forward and Will’s arm nearly clotheslined him.

He shook his head. “No, you don’t ‘got it.’ However you think she’s gonna look in there, she doesn’t. It’s worse. It’s worse from earlier when she was brought in and it’s gonna be worse tomorrow.” He took a breath and swallowed. “I just want you to remember, it’s going to get better. She’s going to _get_ better and she’s going to _look_ better.” He paused, waiting to see Jay’s understanding flash.

Jay got it now. He nodded, his initial enthusiasm tempered with caution and concern.

“It’s bad?” He glanced down the hall toward Hailey’s room.

“It’s bad.” Confirmed Will. “But it’s not permanent. She’s still her.” To show that not everything had to be heavy and worrisome, he winked and added, “And maybe, _maybe,_ if you’re lucky _,_ when she heals she’ll even be a little cute.”

Jay rolled his eyes a bit and huffed. “Am I good to go now?”

“You’re good to go. But _remember what I said_ …!” he called the last part as Jay had already started walking.

Jay didn’t look back but held up a hand to show he’d heard.

He approached the dim room slowly. He peered in through the door and pulled the curtain to the side. Hailey lay in the hospital bed, IVs running lines in to her arm, vitals were taken from the monitor on her finger.

He walked closer, the white of the butterfly bandages holding skin together standing out against the darkness of her skin. He pulled the chair at her bedside closer to her, giving him a better glimpse at the blackened stitches that ran close to her hairline. Her eyes were closed and he thought she was sleeping.

Tentatively, he reached his pointer finger out and took hold of one of her fingers, hooking them together.

He was surprised when she moved her head a bit and murmured his name.

His eyes widened in surprise not knowing she was awake. He left his finger holding hers, unsure of what else to do. “Hey,” he smiled softly, “Yeah, it’s me.”

“Hmm,” she tried to smile but grimaced as the skin by her mouth pulled. Even the grimace caused a grimace. “Mm so sorry” The apology was made as she tried not to move her mouth.

Jay’s tears took him by surprise. He hadn’t known he was crying until he felt the wetness on his cheeks. “You—“ he forced a chuckle, keeping his voice just above a whisper. “What the hell are you apologizing for? You kicked ass today.”

“Hm.” It was supposed to pass for something lighthearted, an agreement.

“How you feeling?” He looked at the iv lines running from her to the bags of fluid that hung from the rack above. He guessed that with all of the needed things running in to her that there had to be some kind of pain relief mixed in too.

Her lips parted a bit. “Y’know…all good.”

Had he expected anything else? She couldn’t even open her eyes they were so swollen shut but she couldn’t, still wouldn’t say anything other than she was fine.

“Yeah,” he agreed, snickering a bit. “You look like you’re ready for a night out.” He wiped at his cheeks again.

She reached out her tongue and touched the tip to the corner of her lip. “You gonna wine and dine me?”

He was happy to play along with her and nodded. “Absolutely. What are you in the mood for?”

She tried for a smile, so happy to play this game and have a diversion. “Mmm surprise me.”

He withdrew his finger from hers, realizing too late he’d done so. He clapped his hands softly and rubbed them together. “Okay….so….you’re gonna need some protein—we’re going to GT Prime. A nice steak dinner, some drinks…dessert if you’re up for it…”

“Sounds nice,” she whispered.

“Cuz it is,” he reminded her. “But,” he hesitated, unsure if he should even make the joke.

“Say it,” she told him. Even like this she could tell his instinct was to treat her differently.

“Um. I was just gonna say, you might—you might want to go a little heavier than usual on the makeup.” He waited to see her reaction.

He saw her eyes move under the heavy lids and she managed to huff out a quiet laugh. “You’re an ass.”

“Guilty as charged.”

He sat with her until she fell asleep, and when she did he reached back out and took her finger again. A moment later he grabbed another and held them until he made the decision to take them all in his hand and he held it gently in his. “I’m here, Hailey,” he whispered in the dark. “I’ve got you.”

He visited every day, often more than once. And he saw the reality of what Will had told him. The first few days were rough as the bruises appeared in layers, peaked on different days, then gradually began to fade. She was going on her second week in the hospital and the lights were no longer only kept to dim. The swelling had gone down, she was able to open her eyes again, and her progress was checking every box needed to be discharged.

Dr. Charles had met with her, spoken to her about trauma and anxiety, about returning home where the shooting had happened, where she’d been knocked out and taken. By people who wanted to kill her and profit from it. She listened, heard him, promised she’d follow up with him as needed. She just wanted to go home.

Jay was in the bullpen listening to Rojas unload on the person on the other end of the phone call she was on. He raised his eyebrows at her as she hung up. “That’s better,” a self-satisfied smile on her face.

Vanessa had been hard at work getting things ready for Hailey’s homecoming. She’d used her credentials to kick the ass of the home insurance company her roommate had an account with, fast-tracking the process and getting things in place. The exterior of her home looked exactly as it had weeks earlier, the workers were nearly done with the interior, and once the painters arrived the next day and the furniture was delivered, Hailey’s home would once again look…like Hailey’s home. For someone who grew up without that nicety it was important to her that Hailey regained hers.

“You’re a good friend Vanessa,” Jay told her.

“So’s she. We gotta take care of each other, right?”

He nodded in agreement before Voight appeared at his desk. “I know this isn’t great timing,” he began. Jay leaned back in his chair sure he wasn’t gonna love what his boss was about to say. “I need you to give an assist to narcotics. They need someone to do a quick uc with one of their guys. They asked for you.” He paused a moment, then stepped closer and and lowered his voice. “I know Hailey’s getting out of the hospital soon and you’re gonna want to be there for her. As soon as this is over, you’re taking a week.”

“Sarge. I appreciate that, I do—but…why me?”

“They requested you. You know the guy that’s currently under and it’ll be an easy slide in. 2 days tops Jay. Then the week is yours.”

Jay nodded knowing he didn’t really have a choice.

Thankfully his boss had been right. It was an easy slide in and the takedown happened quickly and easily. No muss, no fuss. And the cherry on top was Will’s text saying he’d discharged Hailey earlier and that her roommate had picked her up and brought her home.

He texted Vanessa to see if they needed anything, to see how Hailey was doing. He’d have asked her but if he didn’t feel like reading her favorite 4 letter f word: fine.

Vanessa assured him that aside from some initial nervousness about being back, she’d settled in nicely and seemed to enjoy the comfort of being home. She was prepping to meet up with Kevin to work on a buy/bust that night so would he mind checking in with Hailey either by phone or text.

Not.At.All. He’d had a lot of time to think during that short lived undercover, and had come away with some things he wanted to talk to her about.

Jay wasn’t sure how long he stood at her door that evening but he knew it was a while. Frustrated with himself he leaned forward against the door frame, his arms locked and taking his weight as hethought about how to talk to Hailey about what was on his mind. He meant to knock 15 times, ring the bell 20. But he did neither. Finally he pulled out his phone and texted. _It’s me. Open up_.

Jay sighed heavily then pulled a hand down his mouth before putting his phone away and pushed his hands deep in his pockets. Time to wait. And hope.

It wasn’t long before he heard the clicking of a lock and the turning of the doorknob. The door swung open and she stood there in sweatpants and an oversized t shirt.

“Hey,” he licked his lips, staring at her. She had healed a lot, the bruises were fading, but she still wore the ordeal deep in her eyes, a wariness that had never been there before now resided clouding the things she saw, tinging them with the what ifs she’d never given any real thought to before.

“Hey,” she replied, softly, dipping her head a bit as she stepped back, allowing him to step inside.

“You’re getting around better.” He turned to look at her as she closed the door behind him, locking it.

“Yeah,” she mused. “That’s time for you, always working even if you’re not paying attention.” She sighed, moving around so that now she was in front of him, and he was between her and the door. “What’s up?”

She’d boxed him in the foyer, not allowing him all the way in. He scrubbed at his face as the realization hit him. “Hailey,” he began, softly. “You gonna let me in?”

She looked at him, inhaling deeply before stepping aside. It hadn’t been purposeful. Just a new instinct she’d have to temper. “Yeah, of course. Sorry.” She licked her lip slowly as he passed by.

“You drinking?” he asked as they walked slowly through the kitchen.

She smiled ruefully and chuckled. “I wish.” He stopped and looked at her. “No. In case I take these bad boys.” She picked up one of the 3 small orange bottles on the kitchen island and shook it. “But you can. Whiskey, tequila, beer? Pick your poison.”

Jay shook his head. He needed to be clear. “I’m good.” He gave her a small smile.

Something was off with him and she tilted her head a bit as she tried to see if she could tease it out, read him. Her tone was only curious, non-accusatory. “You doing okay?”

Jay snorted. “You’re only allowed to answer that question, not ask it.”

Her smile was tight and closed. “I only ask it if I don’t believe that you’re okay. Something’s going on with you.”

She was so good, knew him so well. That might actually make this easier. He took the given out. “Yeah, there is,” he admitted. “Hailey, can we-?” he thumbed in the direction of the living room. When she lifted a shoulder and nodded he surprised her by taking her hand and gently guided her to the other room. “Take a seat.” He told her even though he remained standing.

“Jay, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

He paced a short path, back and forth in front of her. “Ummm. Yeah. Yeah, I’m just trying to think of the best way…”

She grabbed his sleeve as he passed by her again. “Stop.”

He looked down at her and her eyes were clear again. Focused on him she’d cleared out the wariness from just a few minutes earlier.

“Sit.”

She was taking control of the situation, of him. It was so on brand, so her. She was home recovering from the nightmare they’d lived through, and he’d come over unannounced and still she was focusing on him.

He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. Genuine and pure.

“Okay, now you’re just confusing me.”

He did what he was told a moment ago and sat beside her. Closer than normal, earning him a steady but surprised look.

“Listen—Hailey--- you’re gonna think this is coming out because of what happened. And yeah it is, but it’s also not.”

“Did you hit your head?” she quipped. “You’re not making any sense here Jay.”

He put a hand up to stop her. “Just hear me out, ok?” The smile was back and he couldn’t stop it. “So yeah, what we went through, what you went through---horrible. Nightmare stuff. But the thing is, when we were in it, I kept thinking if I was gonna die, I was glad that I had you with me—and I know that sounds bizarre----but I was glad that you’d be the last person I saw, that I talked to…that I thought about.”

Hailey tilted her head trying to process what he was saying. “What?”

He gave her a look. “I’m not done. And yeah, I know that all sounds…really twisted, I do, believe me. But--when I saw you—“ His voice broke and he tried to recover. “hurt like that. And the thought that you could--” Damnit, his voice again. “The thought that I could _lose_ you… Hailey…that just about broke me.”

“Jay…”

“Still not done.” His eyes were shining but he refused to wipe at them. Not yet. “And that’s the part about it coming out of that, but the thing is Hailey, I’ve felt this way for a while now, it feels like for so long and I just never knew if I should or could say anything, if it would ruin what we already have, cuz I mean, you already know it--I think--but you’re my best friend Hailey. I mean, yeah you’re my partner…at work, but more than that, you’re _it_ for me. My best friend. Just…everything. And it’s all a jumble in my head and it’s hard and confusing but still there’s no question about it. None at all. That, Hailey---I l _ove_ you.” He said it so earnestly, the three words came out in exactly the way he felt them. “I’m _in_ love with you.”

She stared at him for a moment and dipped her head down. Her hair had fallen forward so he couldn’t see her face, only heard her gently say his name. “Jay…”

“I’m right here Hailey.”

He saw her shoulders begin to tremble slightly, and realized she was crying softly. “Hey…” he put a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, if you don’t…” he trailed off unsure of how to finish.

“Don’t be an idiot,” she huffed. She sniffed and turned her head, smiling over at him.

He was taken aback by the difference in what he thought her reaction was and the reality in front of him. He asked his question slowly. “What are you…?”

She pushed the hair behind her ears. “When you were shot and in the hospital…the day you were discharged, and I came to get you. I was going to tell you pretty much the same thing.” She nodded a bit.

He remembered the near conversation and nodded. “You didn’t. Why?”

“I got scared, I guess. I knew how I felt but I thought maybe…I don’t know, that I was wrong, that it would mess with the good thing we already had…that it would go away…”

His smile was gone now and instead he looked serious. “Did it?”

“Did it what?”

“Go away.”

She let out a breathy chuckle, shaking her head. “No. No, it didn’t. I tried…but no it’s all still there. Sometimes I think, stronger than then. I love you Jay.” She nodded. “I do, I love you too.” She shrugged, smiling.

“Hailey…” he reached for her, wanting this to be right. “You’ll tell me if this hurts…”

“Yeah. I will,” her eyes met his, were locked on them. “But it won’t”

His hand gently cupped the side of her face and he leaned in, kissing her gently and continuing to do so as she kissed him back. 


End file.
